We have a tendency to assume a lot when dating. We think if we go out all the time, call each other 10 times a day, meet the family and buy each other Christmas gifts, we’re in a relationship. No conversation, no discussion because that’s all we need as proof that we’re in a full- blown relationship. The reason it is so important to explore all the facets of dating is that it keeps us from committing too quickly and it leaves plenty to the imagination. Dating is about having choices and getting your relationship like you want it so when you decide to commit, you commit with more value, more substance and more love.
Of course there are ups and downs to dating. We don’t want to date anyone that wasn’t recommended by someone we know. We get cold feet when it’s time to take the relationship to the next level. And we run like hell when the going gets tough, because we’re only dating. But this is a good time to find out all you can about the person you profess your love to, give your body to and say I do. Dating is like playing “Let’s Make A Deal” you never know what’s behind the curtain and sometimes it’s a chicken in a cage and sometimes it’s a diamond in the ruff. But in the end, if you win love, then it was all worth playing the game.
I’ve been single for the last five years and I’m not particularly happy with the choices I’ve made with men. My friends and family are always trying to fix me up with single guys they know and of course, none of those setups turned into anything significant and don’t last very long. I find myself feeling lonely more and more these days and would really like to meet someone I can hang out with, have dinner, see a movie or just take a walk. A friend suggested I join one of the popular online dating sites so I can meet guys to date. I am petrified to take that chance. I don’t know much about online dating and all I can think about is meeting the wrong guy and ending up in one of those situations I’ve heard about. But on the other hand, I really want to give it a try because it would definitely be something new and different for me, but I’m scared. Should I take a chance?
Dear Ms. Single
Welcome to the world of online dating where everyone is scared to participate, initially anyway. It’s the unknown! You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t carry a healthy fear of the unknown. Online dating has made its impact on the world and it is here to stay. Of course, you want to take all the precautionary measures needed to ensure your safety but at the end of the day ask yourself. Do I know the men I meet at a nightclub or restaurant or through a friend? No you don’t! But you date them and get to know them. That’s what dating is all about. However, online dating gives you more control. You can meet him when you want or not at all. You can limit the information he has about you and control the pace in which you give it to him. Sweetie, online dating can be fun and exciting and a new way to meet new people. Set your standards, follow your safety rules and don’t be afraid, embrace it! Go ahead, login and let the fun begin!
My buddy and his wife introduced me to a beautiful woman earlier this year. We connected right away and have been in sync ever since. Every date with her is an amazing experience. We have a lot in common and the last six months have been awesome. I was thinking in another six months or so I would ask her to move in with me. I really saw myself with this woman long-term until she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. It broke my heart when I found out and of course she was devastated. I held her in my arms for hours while she cried hysterically. It was at that moment I realized I couldn’t be with this woman. I know it sounds horrible but I know me and I don’t have what it takes to be there for her with this type of illness. If she were my wife, I would have no choice but we are just dating and I can’t see myself in this relationship for the long haul. It scares me and I think I should get out now. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Dear Feeling Bad,
My heart is breaking for you and your situation. Illness has a way of making us want to run and hide but people get sick and that’s a fact. While sickness affects all of us differently, it is a part of life. I know you‘ve only been dating this woman for six months, but your story lets me know you do care a great deal about her and was looking forward to a long-term relationship. Don’t throw it all away if you truly love her. Unless you left out the part about being psychic, you can’t predict the future. Her illness could do a 360 causing her to become a brand new woman and you will kick yourself by giving up too quickly. I believe part of the reason divorce rates are so high is because we don’t know how to wait on the miracles of love. We meet someone, fall in love and take off running at the first sign of trouble. Use this situation as an opportunity to conquer your fear of illness. If you can’t be there for her as a mate then be there for her as a friend. Stick around and wait for the miracle. It just might make a great love story!