If your child is feeling anxious, here are some tips for how to soothe their school-related nerves.
By Christine Mawhinney Lark
As big yellow buses return and rumble through sleepy neighborhoods, the message is clear: A new school year is beginning. There’s plenty of excitement ahead, but for some students, the start of another school year, a different classroom, harder subjects, and new sports teams can trigger a combination of other less-than-comfortable feelings of anxiety or confusion that can be a challenge.
With so many things changing and so many expectations, including whether mom bought the right backpack or shoes, back-to-school can be tough. Having gone through our own life changes, adults know transition is a natural part of life, but “kids need help understanding that their feelings are a normal part of this. They would benefit from knowing most people have similar feelings during times of change,” said Margot Burke, a licensed psychologist and the owner and director of the Milestones Psychology and Wellness in Ardmore. Parents and teachers should teach children they may have more than one feeling about ending and beginning something, she says.
Making Sense of the Mix
Back-to-school is a great time to foster kids’ emotional development. Burke said children often are sad to leave their teachers and friends, happy about summer vacation, and nervous about the start of the school year — all at the same time. Talking to kids about having more than one feeling at a time, even opposite ones, is helpful.
To reduce stress, increase school adjustment, and help your child handle the myriad emotions that come with the end of summer, Valerie Braunstein, Psy.D., founder and CEO of Philly Psychology, suggests getting on the following before school begins:
- reestablish bedtime and mealtime routines
- arrange get-togethers with classmates to maintain social connections
- make a list of resources within the school with whom your child can turn to for support, assistance, or instruction
- inform them of changes about to come
Strategies for Success
According to Burke, it’s important to help children know what to expect during times of transition because it helps them feel safe and secure when things around them are unpredictable. Parents can do this using pictures, visual schedules, and calendar countdowns.
“Developing rituals and reflection around transitions can help develop predictability over the long term and show children that change can be positive,” Burke said.
“Develop rituals that are fun and celebrate the end of something such as special meals, activities, or a fun event with the whole family,” she said. “Take time to reflect with children how much they have grown over the school year and point out a time when something was hard for them, and now are easier.”
Braunstein offered another strategy: encourage kids to feel good about themselves, and the situations they are dealing with. Remind them of times when they have done well. “After a child experiences instances of good coping, parents can highlight these (e.g., photos, awards), so that the child is more likely to remember them and build confidence,” she said.
You can also remind your child of all the times they handled a stressful situation well (a school presentation he was nervous about) or when the child found a way to get through it (a football practice when he broke his thumb), which helps build confidence.
But even the best prep can still lead to a difficult first few weeks of school. Some signs the transition might be especially hard, and your child may need additional assistance, include:
- feelings of sadness that last at least two weeks
- intense mood swings that cause problems in relationships
- worries or fears that interfere with daily activities
- dangerous behavior or self-injury
- expressing a desire to hurt others or themselves
- difficulty concentrating
- unexplained weight loss or weight gain
- physical symptoms without obvious cause (e.g., headaches, stomachaches)
- avoiding friends or social activities
- frequent nightmares
- changes in school performance
- substance abuse
If you notice any of these symptoms or anything that strikes you as “not right,” talk to your pediatrician or a psychologist, Braunstein said. New situations can be stressful for everyone, but with your help and guidance, your child has a great chance to succeed.