Menopause is the devil, and aging gracefully, feels like an exercise in futility some days.
Why didn’t our mommas warn us?
I am going to NEED them (mommas) to stop speaking about women’s issues in code language.
How was l supposed to deduce from the words “wait ‘till you get to my age and you will understand better,” that menopause was no joke in these aging streets?
What was so difficult for them to tell us, we would go to sleep one day, and wake up the next, feeling like an alien took residence within us?
Why didn’t they make a list, and checked it twice, then tie a ribbon around it?
While we may not have understood in the moment, it would have most certainly prevented panic.
And our poor spouses and partners.
At dinner one night a couple of years ago, l confessed to my husband, that l thought menopause was creeping up on me because sometimes, l felt absolutely nuts and cranky for no reason!
He gently moved any utensil that could be considered a missile and said “babe, this has been you for a few months now. I already did my research and l am getting the 3rd floor ready as a bunker to give you wide berth.”
I looked at his face and began laughing until my tear ducts leaked!
On my social media page recently, I wrote a manifesto to younger women, in an effort to prepare them. Feel free to add to said list, because the symptoms are different in each woman.
“Dearest women between the ages of 35-45, please pay close attention to your bodies and who you are during the aforementioned years, because TRUST me on this- you WILL wake up one day shortly after, and wonder if someone invaded and snatched you.
-You will forget the simplest things.
-You will be happy one second, and a sad puddle of tears the next.
-The SLIGHTEST infractions by those around you, will set your nerve endings on fire, and you will have to resist the urge to snatch them bald. We will not be collecting scalps and losing friendships.
-Your body will feel like its betraying you. You will eat like a bird and look like a blowfish. Foods you used to enjoy will suddenly be rejected by your body. Dietary adjustments are necessary. Your life may depend upon it.
-You will ache in places you never thought you had.
-You will need to have doctor’s visits more frequently, and specialists you never saw before. They will mostly tell you “it’s part of the aging process.” You will look at them through teary eyes and think “this CANNOT be life.”
-Your partner will get the “touch me and die,” look from you. Warn them now. Tell them its a phase and you will be back to normal when the body snatchers calm down. And you hope they will.
-Hot flashes. Created by Lucifer himself as a punishment to Eve, who only thought of herself and not the generations coming after her, are so unpleasant, you must remember where you are when they strike. Because you will strip before you realize it. The world deserves to NOT see all of that. Layers are your friend.
-You will give ZERO damns about people’s thoughts and opinions because you realized, you wasted the first 50, trying to not hurt feelings in an effort to get along and be a team player. Yeah, no. You will see a spade and call it what it is. It is liberating.
You will read and laugh now, but make a copy of this note for future reference. You will thank me later.” #youarewelcome
So ladies, wherever you are on the aging spectrum, know this — you are not alone. We will do it with dignity, most days. On the days we cannot, my fervent wish, is that you are able to do it privately.
May the menopause imps be kind to you, and may you find grace in your hearts for the ones who target us with no regard for our sanity.
It will pass, according to my doctor. What she could not promise was that it would only last weeks or months. Some women, according to her, carry these symptoms for 10 years or more.
Nope. Not going to be able to go years like this. There must be another way to age with dignity and grace, because this will not cut the mustard.
Darn Eve. Had she left the forbidden fruit alone, women could age gracefully. I better not run into her in the afterlife. She will get an earful from me.