Just as I was gearing up to wish you all the happiest of holidays, and a roaring good start to 2020, someone sent me the question below.
In true Muva form, I must answer-so buckle up, buttercups!
Q: What are the keys to effective communication with your partner? How do you understand the nature of a man, and why are men so egotistical? (The levels vary, I know).
Signed, an Inquiring mind.
Dear An Inquiring mind:
In Muva’s mind, effective communication requires the following — ears that listen FULLY without formulating an answer, and then finding ways to show your partner that they were heard by doing some of what you were asked.
If, for instance, your partner likes to get home and unwind quietly for 30 minutes before being asked a bunch of questions, this would be the time to practice what you heard by doing just that, until it becomes a habit.
This all requires compromise on both ends, too. You can learn about a person’s “love language” through the things that seems to make them the happiest. For some people, hearing simple words of appreciation each time they perform a nice act of kindness makes all the difference in the world.
Emotional intelligence is sorely lacking in so many areas of our lives these days, and we at times find ourselves at the receiving end of someone’s sensitivity and hurt feelings.
If you know your partner is sensitive and you are not, come to a compromise that will work for you both. So much miscommunication could be avoided if we only listened to hear and not always respond.
As for the question on why men in general are egotistical, that is a matter of perception. I wonder if what is seen as ego could be insecurities rising when one feels unheard or unloved.
It is hard to say, without hearing what the men would say, because as humans we tend to tell stories that fit our perceptions instead of “editing” the narrative to add what we may have left out.
The bottom line, Lovie, is that every relationship is different and there is no one answer that will fix what you are seeking beyond fully listening to what is being said and unsaid, and finding ways to an amiable solution.
I hope that helped.
I want to thank you all for reading this column in 2019, sending your questions, and trusting Muva with your souls.
May we continue to ride the wave of laughter and learning in the spirit of wisdom growth.
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the article belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, The Philadelphia Sunday SUN, the author’s organization, committee or other group or individual.