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9:16 AM / Thursday October 6, 2022

21 Feb 2020

Ask Muva

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February 21, 2020 Category: Commentary Posted by:

Dear Muva:
I have a question from my monthly millennial girls group: How did you know you were ready for marriage? Weren’t you scared or had anxiety about what ifs? How do you overcome them? From your experience, Isn’t it natural for women to be nervous about jumping the broom?

Signed, Before we seal the deal

Dear Before we seal the deal,
Glad am I that these questions are being asked BEFORE, not AFTER you go broom jumping! Marriage is serious business and we often ignore the signs well before a ring is placed on our fingers. As I write this, I am sitting in a hair salon with a woman who got divorced after 30 years of marriage because she was tired of being miserable. We do not want you to be in that boat.

So, to answer your question follow your gut. There will be some nervousness, but it should be nerves of anticipation and excitement, which is vastly different from the kind of nerves that scream “run!”

When Muva married her current husband, she was so happy and excited to get the nuptials underway. Her wedding started on time! She felt loved, supported and jumped that broom with abandon! It turned out to be a good thing because years later, she is still happy! In stark contrast, she was married before, and had such trepidation the night before, she should have walked away. Instead, she went through with it, and knew immediately following the nuptials that it would not work. It didn’t work, but she learned the lessons, and moved on with the man who was best suited for her years later.

The bottom line my dear, is this, let your own discernment come to the forefront and go forth, or run away, depending on what it tells you.
Good luck!!

Dear Muva,
My friends think I am nuts because I check to see what the men I date choose to eat, and it determines whether they get another date with me. I think you ARE what you eat, and I do not want to spend my latter years taking care of someone who refused to take care of themselves. Wouldn’t you agree?

Signed, It only makes sense

Dear It only makes sense,
You gave me quite a chuckle because I wish I had thought of that! According to a Harvard medical School Journal written in August of 2019, there is a 5 year gender gap between men and women, because they (men) are dying faster even as they are historically stronger.

I have to believe then in some small way, what men may be eating, contributes to their early departure from many of us.

We only have to look at the amount of fried and fatty foods, that are consumed with no concerns until gout, kidney stones or something equally uncomfortable strikes. To add insult to misery, they often refuse to seek medical help until it is almost too late, leaving their partners to pick up the shattered pieces.

I say this — if you are wise enough on the front end to see disaster coming your way and deft enough to avoid it, not a thing is wrong with that.We cannot buy our health, and we want our men to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

Good luck in finding a healthy version of love- you deserve it!

Disclaimer:
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational/entertainment purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. This column, its author, the Philadelphia Sunday SUN newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.

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